Somehow it is already 8pm

I feel violated! Where did the day go? Why did I not manage anything productive..? Why are the mendel lectures not yet online... so many questions, so few answers!!

For the record, I am tired. Not, fall asleep at my desk tired, because I have drank large amounts of black coffee and taken some caffeine pills. But mentally I am so so tired, drained I suppose you might say. Null and void. It is a numbing experience. I suppose it is better than feeling stressed or down, but I have been down more than up lately so now I think I am just on a Plato. Which is fine, but it just feels weird. I am used to being stressed to buggary, or upset... not this strange in between thing that Ive got going on. I guess because so much has gone awry this semester that nothing else can shock me.

Break in a few weeks... not sure if I am keen for it or not anymore, in mixed minds about it. Which does not help.

Tomorrow the landlord is coming around for a "flat inspection" oh goody!!! I do not believe I have defaced the walls or floor at all... but we shall see I guess...

My flatmate was talking about friendship just before, it interested me. She has been told to be more proactive when it comes to finding friends... I was mildly offended. I am an incredibly shy person, people look at me strangely when I say this... I dont talk often to randoms... unfortunately once I do start talking to you.. it is very hard to shut me up... Anyway, I am not pro-active when it comes to meeting people. I talk to people in practical classes, and have friends to sit with in my lectures. I have relationships with people that stand the test of time... I still have friends from primary school!!! I keep up with the important people from WGHS and from uni last year. I guess my one philosophy is to always be yourself, as cliche as that is. If someone doesnt like you for you, then that is their problem. You should not change yourself to fit in. I can smile at this because I never have. I am true to myself, like it or not. I am NOT perfect, not even close... more like as far as you can get from it, but at least I am true to who I am. Sure I made a HUGE effort upon first moving down to Dunedin to be more outgoing, but I was still me... and it only took a day (not even that!) for me to break back down and carry on being me. There are aspects that you may tone down, or up so as not to offend people (see sarcasm and cutting remarks) but I will always be the blunt, sarcastic one who says the first thing the comes to mind. And the one who laughs embarassingly loudly with little disregard for public eye. For some reason people still stick with me. So I must be doing something right? But being proactive... no, no thanks!!!