Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Found: Procrastination

It is so bad! SO SO SO BAD! I am by far distracted. Oh and I cant say ANYTHING of intellect right now, it is rather funny (from where I am standing) and somewhat irritating to everyone else... oops! Oh well!

The only circus around right now is in my head!

No, NO, you should be stressing about assignments and study and revision and the "break" in a few days...

But laughing is WAY more fun!

I dont care, you need good grades...

You know I stopped caring about that a while ago right?

Pfft, LOSER.

Nah, YOURE the LOSER!

Whatever!



Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity, arguing with yourself is the second... talking to inanimate objects is the third...
2/3 aint bad! XD

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The epic day of nothingness!

Everyone has been tired and stressed and generally over it, so we thought it might be fun to misch into town for the day and just have a bit of a day off.

So we did, and we sprayed perfume and laughed loudly and ate vast amounts of junk food and it was entirely AWESOME!

We then came home and had dinner by the fire.

I am subsequently V. tired!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Life is...

Laughing at the little things
Cute, fluffy animals (I am allowed to say this, I am a Zoologist!!! XD)
Good friends
Warm beds
Learning
Understanding
Dreaming


I realised today that my notes are MY notes... thus anyone who gets them will either get joy from seeing the diagrams, or get entirely frustrated... Oh well, I am going to hope for the former!!!

I also realised that I have far better self control than I once thought, and once faced with a 2 faced shit, I was able to walk on by and bide my time.

I also nearly fell asleep EPICALLY in class, so so embarrassing!!!!

Small things make me happy, and I like being happy. I will always shove any feelings of tiredness, stress or sadness as far back as they go and play up the good in my day. It may be unhealthy, but meh! If it gets you through the day, then why not!!!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Tired

I am tired, bloody tired actually. So I feel like a bad person when I can not hold a coherent conversation. I feel worse when people assume that I am mad at them, when I am not. When I am just tired, and angry at myself. I feel bad that people take things personally, and assume it is there fault that I am quiet. I am more than capable of following a conversation, but just not starting one. I feel a bit saddened when a good friend does not have the decency to spark up a conversation, but rather leaves you in the lurch and forcing you to choose between a long, slow walk home in awkward silence, or a slightly shorter walk home while 'ditching' the other person, entirely unintentionally just based on walking speeds.

I dont like pointless conversations afterwards that go in circles.

I am a bad person, I really really am!!

I do however, like when cats interrupt angry conversations by trying to climb up your leg. =3

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Tuesday

I love S2, I really, REALLY do. 

Sarcasm is wasted online...

Off to complete/ start revision... atleast I have a light bulb, so I HAVE to get up early tomorrow. woohoo!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Somehow it is already 8pm

I feel violated! Where did the day go? Why did I not manage anything productive..? Why are the mendel lectures not yet online... so many questions, so few answers!!

For the record, I am tired. Not, fall asleep at my desk tired, because I have drank large amounts of black coffee and taken some caffeine pills. But mentally I am so so tired, drained I suppose you might say. Null and void. It is a numbing experience. I suppose it is better than feeling stressed or down, but I have been down more than up lately so now I think I am just on a Plato. Which is fine, but it just feels weird. I am used to being stressed to buggary, or upset... not this strange in between thing that Ive got going on. I guess because so much has gone awry this semester that nothing else can shock me.

Break in a few weeks... not sure if I am keen for it or not anymore, in mixed minds about it. Which does not help.

Tomorrow the landlord is coming around for a "flat inspection" oh goody!!! I do not believe I have defaced the walls or floor at all... but we shall see I guess...

My flatmate was talking about friendship just before, it interested me. She has been told to be more proactive when it comes to finding friends... I was mildly offended. I am an incredibly shy person, people look at me strangely when I say this... I dont talk often to randoms... unfortunately once I do start talking to you.. it is very hard to shut me up... Anyway, I am not pro-active when it comes to meeting people. I talk to people in practical classes, and have friends to sit with in my lectures. I have relationships with people that stand the test of time... I still have friends from primary school!!! I keep up with the important people from WGHS and from uni last year. I guess my one philosophy is to always be yourself, as cliche as that is. If someone doesnt like you for you, then that is their problem. You should not change yourself to fit in. I can smile at this because I never have. I am true to myself, like it or not. I am NOT perfect, not even close... more like as far as you can get from it, but at least I am true to who I am. Sure I made a HUGE effort upon first moving down to Dunedin to be more outgoing, but I was still me... and it only took a day (not even that!) for me to break back down and carry on being me. There are aspects that you may tone down, or up so as not to offend people (see sarcasm and cutting remarks) but I will always be the blunt, sarcastic one who says the first thing the comes to mind. And the one who laughs embarassingly loudly with little disregard for public eye. For some reason people still stick with me. So I must be doing something right? But being proactive... no, no thanks!!!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Valproic Acid

I have typed that word so many times today, and yet my assignment is not finished. Which means another late night... woohoo!

I slept in today... it was epic. Sleep ins are rare for me, because I feel guilty and then lazy. So 2am - til 7... then 8... then 9... it was good.

Managed to upset my flatmate this evening, which was not cool... most likely made worse by said flatmate walking past whilst I was telling the other flatmate of my failings... XD I cant help it that I worry about things and then need another persons perspective...

"PEN-NAYH!!! where are you penny?!"

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Saturday!

OMG, Sat is nearly OVER!

Today was interesting I guess... my cellphone failed to charge and so died and resulted in me getting up at 8 rather than 7... not a bad effort really considering that I went to be at 2 the night before.

Anywho, I started *and have since essentially finished woohoo* my zoo assignment due on Thurs. Tomorrow will do my gene assignment for Fri.... all part of the new plan of NOT leaving assignments til the last minute. aaaaaand right now I am thinking I will do some lect records and lab prep on account of the 2 large black coffees I just had meaning I am v awake and happy =D
It is nice to be happy for no reason, I really enjoyed my evening, just being in my room, transiently doing my work (I enjoy evolutionary biology at best) and looking at pictures from my old cellphone... so many good memories =3


On account of feeling so crummy earlier on in the day due to being hit with the 'Oh my freaking gosh I am so tired right now' brick and possibly offending a flatmate. *siiiiiigh* Only trouble when you are a loud person, the moment you go quiet you know you are in trouble!!!

But yes, time to ones self was awesome tonight. Just chilling and doing a bit of work... still insanely behind, but oh well! I have tomorrow for assignment and then Monday for revision of revision-ish proportions. *is a nerd*

Right, on to lect records...

Friday, August 13, 2010

The shit did not just hit the fan...

It came at us from ALL directions!

Get up this morning... after sleeping at 2am and waking at 5.45 am the just LYING there til 7 am, see my flat mate, hear about her dreams... man they were epic, deep dreams!

Leave room about to get ready to go in, see other flat mate who proceeds to talk in a serious manner about the flat issues for next year and how we ought to go about composing ourselves when trawling flats. My initial reaction, as drummed into me, as that 'you will screw up' and so when she suggests us being 'proper', my heart sinks. I cant do proper if I tried. Civil, yes. Respectful, yes.But proper... no. I dont have a proper bone in my body.

We are then late and the conversation is cut dry. I am left with a bad feeling as to how I explained myself and so spend the rest of the morning in my usual sleep deprived state stressing about what I said and what I was meant to say. The resultant being me nearly chucking up, nearly passing out and sitting in the library shaking and unable to do the revision I set out to do. So I went off to find a computer to send a very long 'stressy Mel email' to said flatmate. I then went to my following lectures and lab and ranted to my mates, hence taking my mind off of things.

My afternoon was made, somewhat sadly and incredibly nerdily, by receipt of my script from "The Impossible assignment" that I handed in last week... I somehow managed to get 95/100... which is bloody amazing. The only thing I did wrong was the referencing. WOOHOO!!! Sad what my life is.

Oh and that my friends book broke when she pulled out a single page and she looked so confused after XD Then of course I laughed... and I laugh LOUDLY!

And then tonight we go to get dinner from the local take-aways and in case this is not obvious... I am tired. very, VERY tired... my English leaves a lot to be desired... so when I order my dinner I ask for 1 ChipS -- and so the ling major flatmate laughs at me... and then I give her a look as if to say "WTF you on?" and then she wets herself further and refuses to tell me why... I then cuss and she tells me to knock it off on account of the little kids. An old lady (sad, miserable old lady) tells me I SHOULD be sorry coz she has young kids. I reply with dead sarcasm that I am entirely sorry and that I do feel bad. Knowing full well that Kiwis dont get blunt sarcasm, and to me it is not worth it to cause a scene. I get more satisfaction from being the bigger person. When we left, the flatmate who got me into trouble smiled sweetly at the old lady and told her to have a good evening. That was so damn amazing. That lady's face... oh classic. Still makes me smile just thinking about it. =)

I should live in the science library apparently. They should give me a bed and feed me and everything =3

Ohhhh kayyyy. I have epic plans to stay up fairly late tonight... shall see how we go...

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Evicted

Found out today that we are in fact being evicted from our flat next year. Oh joy. Oh rapture!!!

To compel things I just realised that I have a lab tomorrow... Tomorrow is friday. I dont much want to be trapped in a Genetics lab for hours on end on a friday afternoon... not to mention I had epic plans to go home and do some work (funny how I inherently wrote 'sleep' just then. Sleep is useless. I dont want to sleep.)

Right, off to make a caffeinated beverage so I can stay up til early hours of the morning...

Just found some pork in my sleeve. How very odd...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

MENDELIAN GENETICS!!!

*EXTREME EXCITEMENT*
Why you ask?
Well, that is the ONLY genetics there is, really.
And besides I am just chuffed that when the lecturer said the lecture would be hard and confusing and such like... I was awake enough to follow it! Hazaar!!! Getting a wee bit sleepy now...

Also just worked out that my strange illusion of "happiness" is just a result of me being OVERSTRESSED *is it possible to eat your desk? I think I might have to try...* Oh goody! But for the time being I am just gonna ride it, maybe gain another 10 kg while I am at it... give me even MORE to lose this summer -siiiiiigh- Why me, why me?! *eats jaffa cake*

Ain't nothing gonna bring me down...

I love that I can remember things that I didnt realise I had forgotten. Things like how deep and philosophical I used to be. I used to ponder the meaning of life on a daily basis, and I mean literally ponder the meaning of life. It was not til just the other day when a friend was talking about it that I realised that I had forgotten, subsequently I was entirely useless in that conversation. Just kind of sat there in awe and bliss as memories came flooding back.

I forgot how much I love the sun. I am a summer baby, through and through. I hate being locked in at work, sweating and sticky when I would love to go to the beach with mates and just lie there and forget the world. So today when it was epically sunny and lovely I strolled around with a big, daft grin and thought of all the happiness that filled my head. I felt that no one could be upset on a day like this. Ain't nothing gonna bring me down today, the world can just go f*ck itself.

Oh oh, and I found jaffa cakes today, at new world. Made me happy. For those who have not experienced a jaffa cake... they are small, chocolately, orangey ENGLISH cake things. So good. om nom nom. I also found caffeine pills, which makes me happy. Sleep doesnt seem to work anymore. Oh well.

"The day you decide your life is your own is the most splendiferous indeed. Or so I hear. But for now I will keep trying and enjoy each day as best I can... gorgeous sunny days dont hurt either!"

"Laugh too loudly, Be a bitch, Say what you mean. Never be afraid to be yourself, everyone is normal until you get to know them."

"So long as the sun is shining, I will keep breathing"


My day was filled with...
- Lectures that I could concentrate in!
- Mendelian genetics
- Labs that went on way too long
- Wrong teachings between subjects
- Intense confusion
- Insane happiness
- A strange sense of optimism
- Roast pork =3


Right, onto some work... =D

Monday, August 9, 2010

Surviving the day without caffeine...

I guess you could say I am a scientist, not officially, not yet anyway... but I am studying a Bachelor of Science and my sister calls me a "Zoological-biological-geneticist" and I happen to like that title, so lets go with that...

Anyway, as a result of my area of interest I tend to think too much about things of no consequence and try and understand them the only way I know how... that is by means of science.

It came to my attention today that no matter how much sleep I get, I am always tired. If I dont sleep, I am tired, if I sleep too much, I am tired. Really what is the point? But I hate it. I HATE being tired, I HATE being so tired that I nearly fall asleep in lectures, even though I have had a decent nights sleep the night before.

So when today came around, and I was out of sugar this morning and did not have any coffee, I was left to fend entirely for myself through out the day... and it was not pretty. I dont doubt that I have some form of attention disorder. I am easily distracted, and my attention span is limited at best. *Glances out window... *

But the fact of the matter is, that no amount of V or red bull can keep me awake. Coffee sometimes brings me to normal. I have taken to drinking black coffee to save on the milk side of things... but really it is so upsetting that caffeine does not work =( So the scientist in me feels that it is because I drink too much caffeine. I have even cut back!!! Oh well, me thinks caffeine pills might be the next best step...

In todays Genetics class we actually learned about genetics... I had been waiting the entire year to learn about Mendelian genetics... and ofcourse it is taken by the guy who snobbed me via email and so left a bad taste in my mouth. I did like him too, his accent confuses me, but no.... NO, not anymore buddy!

MTMMD #1
Little kid saying bye to his mum and then crossing the road on his own at the lights. So darn cute!!!


MTMMD #2
Random guy appearing from the bushes by the library. Made me smile for sure!

MTMMD #3
Buying sugar and so being able to have coffee when I got home ♥

And now, I shall resume revising. Hopefully I stay awake!!!

Plagiarism is fun...

Sort of stole this idea from a friend of mine, known her since we were in 3rd form... she can't get mad at me for thieving her idea if she has known me since the days when we got hypo from diet coke, right?

Anywho, I am the sort of person who likes words. I am a word nut. I love how the right combination of words can perfectly sum up a situation, good or bad. I, somewhat ironically, can not write to save myself... and yet I feel that everyone SHOULD read what I wrote, because after all... I wrote it so it MUST be important. XD I draw inspiration from words and things that people say. Often times my mates say something that is entirely hilarious yet significant, I like those kinds of words the best =3

So this blog is really just for me to write down all the random comings into my head, to which I warn you... there are MANY!

It is also for all the little things throughout the day that have made me smile, because I am stressed out of my mind most of the time and it really is the little gestures that people do that makes all the difference to my day.

Take today for example... I did not sleep last night. Let it be said, sleep and I do not always get on. I am not an insomniac per say, but if it is possible I will say I am a part time insomniac! XD I can go a few days on a few hours of sleep, I can not sleep too much... anymore than 8 hours a night for any extended time and I feel lazy.
Oh, let it also be said that I can waffle... and BOY can I waffle!!! I cant stick to word limits and generally can talk the hind leg off a donkey or three.
Where was I? Right, today... Ok, so first off... I flat and there is ALWAYS drama with that... especially with a psychotic ex flatmate who still makes our life a misery. To which she managed to do last night, and that amongst other things and various amounts of poison being poured into my ears resulted in me not sleeping at all and hence being just a touch tired this morning... my morning then went as follows...

-Got some black coffee and then headed off to my lecture
- Had a hearty breakfast of a moro gold
-Noted that a car had snow on it, how peculiar?
- Laughed with my flatmate as some kiddy wink snobbed her for making a strange noise
- Noted that another car had snow on it, wondered why we werent getting snow in the valley
- Survived lecture, Genetics 222 - Genes, Chromosomes and Populations... we are on the "Chromosomes" bit. Genetics is hard. =(
- Walked home
- Spent 5 minutes trying to understand why the top of the mountain was white
- Realised white on top of the mountain was not sheep...
- Thought dark, gray thoughts
- Arrived home
- Flatmates cat came bounding over
- Very thankful for cat coming over... needed a cat hug
- Had a bit of a cry with flatmates cat. Cats give the best hugs, they always know when you are upset
- Pulled self together, need to complete assignment
- Had warm, vibratey grey body on lap for a few hours while working

Moment that made my day (MTMMD) #1:
Flatmate comes and knocks on my door, proceeds to bring me lunch and walk out, knowing I was busy and not wanting to disturb me, but wanting me to eat. Completely unprovoked, unasked, unrequired really -- but so much appreciated. ♥

- Finished assignment to best of my ability in current state
- My fault for leaving assignment to the last minute
-  Wanted to hand in invoice for the month so I could get paid
- Realised I had missed the deadline by 59 minutes...
- Leave invoice on bed, pack Lab gear
- Head out to lab
- See kind flatmate who fed me, talked to her for a wee while
- See postman who proceeds to talk about the snow
- Walk to Uni
- Print out assignment
- Hand in assignment
- Go to lab
- Arrive early, have to put chairs down
- Walk around lab illegally with no labcoat on and ipod in ears -- recieve numerous strange looks. Complete chairs, take ipod out...
- Enjoyed Drosophila larva dissection
- Enjoyed etherizing flies
- Insanely good at sexing flies
- Maybe a little TOO good at sexing flies
- Told lecturer that I fell asleep in her class.
- Realise that my sarcasm might have been wasted
- Needn't have bothered, lecturer was lovely
- Finish lab, tired but no longer angry - revelation came to
- Walk home

MTMMD #2
Wandering through gardens on the way home, plotting ways to get a certain ex flatmate in trouble with the law without getting in trouble myself. Very deep in thought. Look up, random chick smiles at me. I smile. I keep walking, she keeps walking. I do not entirely understand what just happened, but the smile was so genuine that it made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

- Got home

MTMMD #3
Walked in front door to be greeted first by "small and annoying" and another Flatmate. I enjoy to be bombarded as I come in the door. It is better than walking to your room in silence.

- Had dinner
- Had more dinner
- Had large sums of chocolate
- Began this blog... should be doing work...

Will begin doing work.

People are shit, the vast majority are at any rate... I am no exception, I am also shit. But sometimes, just sometimes there is the occasional star who shines out on their own accord. Those are the people I love. The ones who genuinely care about you, and you them. The ones you would stick up for no matter what, the ones who will always be your friends... most probably because they know too much about you and therefore it would be dangerous to not have them close!

This blog is dedicated to all those people in my life who are my inspiration... my reason for being, sometimes the only reason I get out of bed. Love you all, and always will. xxx